"I hope to leave my children a sense of empathy...and a will to right wrongs." -Anita Roddick
Powerful quote by a powerful woman - founder of The Body Shop.
By now, if you've seen my tweets, you know I'm an empathy nerd. You know I love using #NurtureEmpathy on social media - it is, after all, my favourite of the hashtags!
To nurture and cultivate empathy in children, I believe, is a powerful tool in creating a brighter future for generations to come. My belief, as I strongly put it, is that it WILL help to bring about a more peaceful society. I know it in my heart that it has astronomical potential for positive change in this world.
I worry, however, what today's society is doing to that potential - the potential to FEEL, express compassion, to bring about change by UNDERSTANDING others' emotions. More specifically what technology is doing to our ability to be empathetic.
Did you know that in the last 30 years people have become less empathetic according to studies? In the same studies it has been noted that in the last 10 years the drop has been a much steeper one. Funny how technology has become more advanced in the last 30 years, and more so in the last 10 years, and we report a drop in empathy coincidentally matching the statistics. Is there a connection? I, as well as many of those scientists & psychologists, believe there is.
As we know from recent "memoir" video postings on our favourite of the SM sites, #FacebookIs10. 10 years old...hmmm, coincidence? Maybe not.
Information Technology - IT as we like to call it in a world full of short forms - is getting in the way. Our world revolves around Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other forms of social media to communicate to each other. Yes, social media - the Ego enhancer of the 21st century! The steroid of the "self"!
Life, since Facebook & other SM's rise to power, has become more socially isolated. It's funny we call it "social" media when it's anything but. We find ourselves lacking one on one face time with people, enclosing ourselves within our homes typing away on keyboards expressing our own feelings while never really thinking of others' thoughts, emotions, etc. We live a facade...we are masked by our almighty computer! We post insults, bold statements, bully etc while being protected as we hide behind our screens. When we do this, we fail to see the reactions in people's body languages, hear the hurt/excitement/terror/etc in their voices, and feel the energy the person is radiating.
We find out on Social Media before others of importance when someone is being dumped, has a disease, has passed away, etc. A little side story here. Within the minute my mother passed away last year, at least two members of my family posted on Facebook, "RIP (enter maternal nickname here)". This was before her brother and sister had found out the news who are both active on Facebook. A wee bit lacking empathy? Not my place to judge. But maybe an attempt to inflate their own egos by being "the first ones to post"? Or maybe it was a need to feel comforted in a time of distress. (Yes you read that right, getting comfort from social media on a cell phone when there were many other family members present who also needed comforting.)
But where's the empathy in that? Where is the human sensitivity to post an immediate death, a break up, a video of a fatal car crash among other events without realizing the effect it may have? It's almost like we've lost the ability to think of others' feelings. We've become too engulfed in the Ego - the self. (Don't even get me started on "selfish selfies") because that is all we know. Our relationship becomes the ego & the computer world. So what happens is we have no time to worry about empathizing with the world outside because we're too busy worrying about ourselves. Our true relationship becomes one of the self and the perceived world. And we wonder why narcissism is on the rise!
So what does this have to do with #NurtureEmpathy and children?
Everything! Those little packages of immense potential are being introduced earlier and earlier to technology and social media. What are we doing to them if we sit a child in front of a tablet, computer, iPod-touch, etc and allow that object to "babysit" him/her? What are we doing when we lack that one-on-one time with our child? Touch gets put in the backseat. Eye contact gets thrown out the window. COMMUNICATION - true communication turns into, "Little Johnny is crying? I know what makes him happy! I'll just turn on the tablet, place it in the iPotty and let him play that game again while toilet training! Rockin'! Two birds with one stone!!" or "What? You're bored? My 8 year old child? Why not turn on the computer and go talk to your friends on Facebook!"
Okay, so it might not be that heartless. But you get the point.
We know that kids mimic what we do. They are watching our every move & learn from us. They see us on our tech devices, we teach them to soothe with their own tech devices (which I am NOT a fan of a 12 year old child having an iPhone! Too young!), and at the same time we're not giving them the much needed attention. Children need us to focus on them. They NEED us to help nurture that empathy. If not it's just going to be a massive spiral downward.
What's worse is what technology in general is doing to their young brains! Scientists are concerned that too much tech-time is effecting young people's abillity to learn & develop empathy skills.
Now, you may be thinking, "Nuts! What have I done to my child?" but please know there is hope! We know that we can learn empathy. So if we un-learn it, maybe we can re-learn it!
Take time outs from your social media accounts. Talk with your children about feelings, situations and how certain actions/words may affect others. And for goodness sake, keep your young one away from Facebook & the likes until they're emotionally ready to handle such chaos. Simply put, social media was not meant for kids!
In the book #LightwebDarkweb by Raffi Cavoukian, singer/songwriter/author (among many other titles) writes about the many reason why we as parents need to become more educated about social media and the effect it has on our children. The effect it has is much more elaborate than just the destruction of empathy and what I have touched on here. We seriously need to think of the children! Enlighten yourself, so you can educate your offspring.
Don't think I don't get it from my kids. "Mom! Why can't I have a Facebook account?" Believe me, I get harassed almost everyday because, "almost everyone" in my child's class (grade 4) has an account. Talk to them honestly about the risks, the issues, and how there are rules (ie. although it's not monitored, Facebook states you must be at least 13 years of age to have an account). Be empathetic towards their feelings and let them know you understand they want to connect with their friends.
Remember, when you show empathy toward them, you're giving them tools to become more socially responsible.
And a socially responsible kid will become successful in relationships, work and all other aspects of their lives.
Yours in Good Health,
Carrie Creamer RMT
Learn more about how you can #NurtureEmpathy in your child go to http://www.arctouch4peace.com/#!plants/c4fi
