Empathy & Technology. Is One Killing the Other? And Who Really Cares?

"I hope to leave my children a sense of empathy...and a will to right wrongs."  -Anita Roddick

Powerful quote by a powerful woman - founder of The Body Shop.

By now, if you've seen my tweets, you know I'm an empathy nerd.  You know I love using #NurtureEmpathy on social media - it is, after all, my favourite of the hashtags!

To nurture and cultivate empathy in children, I believe, is a powerful tool in creating a brighter future for generations to come.  My belief, as I strongly put it, is that it WILL help to bring about a more peaceful society.  I know it in my heart that it has astronomical potential for positive change in this world.

I worry, however, what today's society is doing to that potential - the potential to FEEL, express compassion, to bring about change by UNDERSTANDING others' emotions.  More specifically what technology is doing to our ability to be empathetic.

Did you know that in the last 30 years people have become less empathetic according to studies?  In the same studies it has been noted that in the last 10 years the drop has been a much steeper one.  Funny how technology has become more advanced in the last 30 years, and more so in the last 10 years, and we report a drop in empathy coincidentally matching the statistics.  Is there a connection?  I, as well as many of those scientists & psychologists, believe there is.

As we know from recent  "memoir" video postings on our favourite of the SM sites, #FacebookIs10.  10 years old...hmmm, coincidence?  Maybe not.

Information Technology - IT as we like to call it in a world full of short forms - is getting in the way.  Our world revolves around Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other forms of social media to communicate to each other.  Yes, social media - the Ego enhancer of the 21st century!  The steroid of the "self"!

Life, since Facebook & other SM's rise to power, has become more socially isolated.  It's funny we call it "social" media when it's anything but.  We find ourselves lacking one on one face time with people, enclosing ourselves within our homes typing away on keyboards expressing our own feelings while never really thinking of others' thoughts, emotions, etc.  We live a facade...we are masked by our almighty computer!  We post insults, bold statements, bully etc while being protected as we hide behind our screens. When we do this, we fail to see the reactions in people's body languages, hear the hurt/excitement/terror/etc in their voices, and feel the energy the person is radiating.

We find out on Social Media before others of importance when someone is being dumped, has a disease, has passed away, etc.  A little side story here.  Within the minute my mother passed away last year, at least two members of my family posted on Facebook, "RIP (enter maternal nickname here)".  This was before her brother and sister had found out the news who are both active on Facebook.  A wee bit lacking empathy?  Not my place to judge.  But maybe an attempt to inflate their own egos by being "the first ones to post"?  Or maybe it was a need to feel comforted in a time of distress.  (Yes you read that right, getting comfort from social media on a cell phone when there were many other family members present who also needed comforting.)

But where's the empathy in that?  Where is the human sensitivity to post an immediate death, a break up, a video of a fatal car crash among other events without realizing the effect it may have?  It's almost like we've lost the ability to think of others' feelings.  We've become too engulfed in the Ego - the self.  (Don't even get me started on "selfish selfies") because that is all we know.  Our relationship becomes the ego & the computer world.  So what happens is we have no time to worry about empathizing with the world outside because we're too busy worrying about ourselves.  Our true relationship becomes one of the self and the perceived world.  And we wonder why narcissism is on the rise!

So what does this have to do with #NurtureEmpathy and children?

Everything!  Those little packages of immense potential are being introduced earlier and earlier to technology and social media.  What are we doing to them if we sit a child in front of a tablet, computer, iPod-touch, etc and allow that object to "babysit" him/her?  What are we doing when we lack that one-on-one time with our child?  Touch gets put in the backseat.  Eye contact gets thrown out the window.  COMMUNICATION - true communication turns into, "Little Johnny is crying?  I know what makes him happy!  I'll just turn on the tablet, place it in the iPotty and let him play that game again while toilet training!  Rockin'!  Two birds with one stone!!"  or "What?  You're bored?  My 8 year old child?  Why not turn on the computer and go talk to your friends on Facebook!"

Okay, so it might not be that heartless.  But you get the point.

We know that kids mimic what we do.  They are watching our every move & learn from us.  They see us on our tech devices, we teach them to soothe with their own tech devices (which I am NOT a fan of a 12 year old child having an iPhone!  Too young!), and at the same time we're not giving them the much needed attention.  Children need us to focus on them.  They NEED us to help nurture that empathy. If not it's just going to be a massive spiral downward.

What's worse is what technology in general is doing to their young brains!  Scientists are concerned that too much tech-time is effecting young people's abillity to learn & develop empathy skills.

Now, you may be thinking, "Nuts!  What have I done to my child?" but please know there is hope!  We know that we can learn empathy.  So if we un-learn it, maybe we can re-learn it!

Take time outs from your social media accounts.  Talk with your children about feelings, situations and how certain actions/words may affect others. And for goodness sake, keep your young one away from Facebook & the likes until they're emotionally ready to handle such chaos.  Simply put, social media was not meant for kids!

In the book #LightwebDarkweb by Raffi Cavoukian, singer/songwriter/author (among many other titles) writes about the many reason why we as parents need to become more educated about social media and the effect it has on our children.  The effect it has is much more elaborate than just the destruction of empathy and what I have touched on here.  We seriously need to think of the children!  Enlighten yourself, so you can educate your offspring.

Don't think I don't get it from my kids.  "Mom!  Why can't I have a Facebook account?"  Believe me, I get harassed almost everyday because, "almost everyone" in my child's class (grade 4) has an account.  Talk to them honestly about the risks, the issues, and how there are rules (ie. although it's not monitored, Facebook states you must be at least 13 years of age to have an account).  Be empathetic towards their feelings and let them know you understand they want to connect with their friends.

Remember, when you show empathy toward them, you're giving them tools to become more socially responsible.

And a socially responsible kid will become successful in relationships, work and all other aspects of their lives.

Yours in Good Health,
Carrie Creamer RMT
Learn more about how you can #NurtureEmpathy in your child go to http://www.arctouch4peace.com/#!plants/c4fi

By now I am sure you’ve read about 13 year old Maxwell Begley from Newcastle, Ontario.  A boy who’s mother received a hate-filled letter from a neighbor who claims she should “do the right thing” by either “moving or euthanizing him”. http://globalnews.ca/news/789411/oshawa-family-receives-hate-filled-letter-directed-at-autistic-son/

My heart goes out to this family who is clearly victim of a hate crime, regardless of what the law calls it.

Currently the law in Canada pretty much states that a hate crime will be called so if it’s a threat against race, religion, lifestyle, age, etc, but NOT ability or size.  Seems a bit discriminatory don’t you think?

I have been blessed with having a job which expands my mind and spirit.  I understand that there are some out there that don’t have the opportunities that I do.  I get that some aren’t as spiritually evolved.  Everyone is in their own place at the right time for them.  But what I can’t understand is how someone could be as heartless as suggesting death to a spirited young man!

So here’s my rant.

Not getting too much into the details, autism is a developmental disorder that is characterized by impairment in social interaction and communication (verbal and non-verbal).   The condition is a “Spectrum Disorder” which means everyone who is Autistic is different – their lives are affected differently than others with it.  It is a lifelong condition.

But regardless of how the person communicates, or interacts, make no mistake they are still a human being!

When I was fresh out of school, I was blessed enough to have been offered a job at a physiotherapy and sports injury clinic where I met and treated people with a variety of injuries, and illnesses.  As a new graduate, I was knowledgeable and eager to treat as much as I could.  But I never imagined I’d be asked to treat a person with autism – a child with autism.

One day I was asked such a thing.  With eyes wide as saucers, and a spirit full of excitement, I accepted to take on this child.  For the life of me, I cannot remember how old he was, I just remember he was young, and his family was eager to learn some techniques from me.

Slightly scared – because I only learned about it in school, and didn't have the experience at the time – I took to researching the disorder as much as I could so that I could help this little man.  But even though the academics of my research helped me to understand the disorder, it didn’t prepare me for the experience.

And what a rewarding experience it was!  I half expected to go into that treatment room running into difficulties as I nervously spoke to the parents about my own knowledge about the incredible benefits of massage for autistic children – and children in general.  What I wasn’t prepared for was how easy it was once I let go of my ego and fear of not knowing what I was getting into.  This child was full of beans, yes, difficult to communicate with, yes.  But the way the family loved their child, with so much respect and honour, it opened my mind and eyes to what a beautiful soul he was!  It didn’t take long – 5 minutes at maximum – for me to be completely humbled and feel so much honour to be chosen to assist this child in his need for positive, nurturing touch (even though clearly he wasn’t lacking it with a family so supportive as them).

So what can we learn from my experience?  I invite you to understand that once we let go of our ego, and educate ourselves rather than be ignorant and fear the unknown, we can understand people of different abilities than ourselves. 

And that’s what it comes down to, everyone is different.  So whether you have an amputation, mental disorder, stress, etc, everyone deserves to be treated equally.

Let us not forget that Albert Einstein is said to possibly have been on the Autistic Spectrum.  There are many famous people who are considered or may have had ASD – Mozart, Darryl Hannah, Tim Burton, Lewis Carroll, to name a few.  So, you tell me, does Maxwell deserve to be euthanized or forced to move because someone is too ignorant and/or fearful of something she doesn’t understand?  Or does he, as a child, as a human being with a different ability than ourselves, as a child of God, deserve to be loved, honoured, and RESPECTED?

As the former is un-evolved, and hateful, I choose the latter.

Have a health-filled day!

http://carriermt.wix.com/index

"HOLDING THE SPACE"

Not too long ago I had a day in which everyone I treated had something incredibly life changing happening in their lives.  Whether it was an exciting, happy situation or heartbreaking one, it wasn’t a day much different than others; change happens all the time and clients tell me about it.  But something about that day made me really think.

What is it about that one hour fraction of the day that makes people share emotions, life changes, deepest secrets and treasured memories?   

As I massaged one client’s incredibly tight trapezius muscles, I centered and listened to the person’s story, taking in the essence of each feeling and specific detail of their defining moment as I naturally do. Then it dawned on me…

There’s something sacred and magical about the space in which the massage therapy treatment takes place.  Music is healing, we all know that.  The room is safe, warm and comfortable.  The massage table has been said by many to be “the perfect stomach sleeper bed.” (Their words, not mine…bed and table are two different pieces of furniture)   And the pressure of the touch is therapeutic.  So what else is there?

I am currently reading a book in which the term “holding space” has been tossed around several times.  A holding space requires at least yourself and usually one (or more) other person(s).    

The person “holding the space” is there to allow something to unfold without being an influence.   In order to create that space one has to let go of the ego/self and judgment.   An opening of the heart occurs to be present and allow the other person(s) to experience whatever feelings or thoughts they may be having.  One is there FULLY for the person as they explore the territory of “what is going on” within themselves.

The holding space is a sacred, magical space where healing occurs!  The massage therapist “holds the space” for the client.

During a massage, while that space is being held and one is talking about issues, an amazing thing often occurs:  the body starts to let go of what it’s holding onto.  Is that something I as an RMT did?  I may have assisted those muscles by increasing circulation to them so that nutrients and much needed oxygen gets to them while helping to move built up waste out of the muscles.  But I didn’t tell the body to let go.  The client was better able to let go emotionally or spiritually and therefore physically.  It is all connected – the body, mind, spirit connection.  The holding space is a safe, professional place to relax, renew and restore that allows for healing to occur on all levels.

As a massage therapist I never offer personal advice.  The spectrum of my advice is for your physical well-being only.  I generally give you stretches or strengthening exercises or advise on Epsom salts baths.  I can refer you to a chiropractor, psychotherapist or back to your doctor, but I don’t give personal advice.  It’s not in my educational background and quite honestly, not my forte.

But I can hold the space for you. 

Blessings!
Carrie Creamer RMT
http://carriermt.wix.com/index
follow me on Twitter @CarrieCreamerMT

Sometimes Inspiration Comes From The Past...and Your Future
(which refers to your children)

This past weekend I took my son to see a Raffi concert at Roy Thomson Hall in Toronto.

First of all, I want to say there is NO SUCH THING as a bad seat in RTH, so if you ever have the privilege of seeing a concert there, by all means go right ahead!  It's a beautiful building that deserves an applaud!

My son, since he was 2 years old, adores Raffi Cavoukian, the children's entertainer & advocate, global "troubadour", and founder of The Centre for Child Honouring.  If you haven't heard of Child Honouring, PLEASE go to http://www.childhonouring.org/.

No word of a lie that I couldn't count on my hands how many times a week my son would want to watch one of the three Raffi DVD's he owned.  He'd dress up like him (blue dress shirt, red tie, black pants all the way down to the dress shoes) and after drawing on his own face a moustache & beard, with a black ink pen of course, he'd grab his acoustic guitar and belt out wonderful children's songs, traditional and Raffi-written!

"Baaaaaby Beluuuuuga!  Oh Baaaaby Beluuuga!

Sing your little song, sing for all your friends!

We like to hear you!"

He would lovingly sing along.

Those days passed on and now my son is 8.  Occasionally, he'd pop that good ol' "Raffi: On Broadway" DVD in the player and sing along.  But they were few and far between.  I started to miss it all.

Then, Sunday morning, on Twitter, I noticed Raffi was playing in TO!  After all those years of having no sign of a Raffi concert I just HAD to take my young musician to see it!

So there we were, sitting in Roy Thomson Hall in the R4 Mezzanine section...to me, it was considered "nosebleeds" as I've never sat anywhere other than orchestra (Yes spoiled little me!  LOL).  But there we were, waiting for Raffi and I don't know who was more excited, me or my son.  I couldn't wait to see the look on his face when Mr. Cavoukian came out and said an enthusiastic, "Hello, my friends!!!"

Anyways, concert was fantastic!  After singing along to all the classics (yes, "Baby Beluga" was one of them) my son and I walked away from that concert not only entertained but inspired!

And this is my point for writing about the concert.  What I hope my son really gets, as well as the rest of the children and families that listen to Raffi (whether in music or seminars), is that he is singing, educating, and lecturing from the heart and soul of who he is!  And that is what he wants us to do.  I really, really got that, and felt incredibly inspired to continue the work that I set out to do 11 + years ago, which was to help change the world, one massage at a time.

The children of this world are most important in this on-going goal.  I believe truly in my heart, that all I have said in previous blogs, and many to come, about teaching children at a young age to take care of their own bodies, instilling in them that sense of self esteem & self awareness, empathy, respect, love and kindness...it WILL change the world.

Since watching the concert, I have come up with a logo and incredible ideas behind that logo to do what I have set out to do.  And you can bet that the Covenant & Principals of Child Honouring are weaved into those ideas.  Again, if you haven't read The Covenant, please go to:  http://www.childhonouring.org/covenantprinciples.html

I have Raffi to thank when he sang his new verse for the "Beluga Grads" which goes:

“Now you’re grown and you’re on your way, 

making waves in the boundless bay. 

With your shining light and your dreams alive, 

for the young you’ll have one day. 

Grown up Beluga, grown up Beluga. 

Sing a song of peace, sing with all your friends,

we need to hear you!"

As a lump came to my throat, I turned to my son and said, "Do you know why he sang, 'we need to hear you'?"

He says, "yes, the world needs to hear what you have to say, Mommy!"

He got it!

If I Could Change The World...

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has.” -Margaret Mead
 What an inspiring quote! I often wonder with a world in such turmoil how could one person's thoughts and actions POSSIBLY change it? Many have compared it to a single drop of rain which seems powerless on it's own, dripping into a pond creating waves undulating out from the centre point. Or the fluttering of a butterfly's wings on one side of the world creating a hurricane on the opposite side of the earth.
Just as those metaphors, one single thought can start a ripple effect spreading to the ends of the universe!
I believe massage therapy can help to create a change for the better in this world. My motto I have used for the past two years has been "Promoting a peaceful, understanding world through the power of touch and education."
You may wonder how I could possibly think this crazy idea and use this preposterous motto! So I'll try and give you an understanding of what is inside this peace-passionate brain of mine. Think of life in general these days. We see a lot of rushing around, stressful jobs, disease and injury causing pain (that could, by the way, be directly related to our rushing & stress). What kinds of personalities, attitudes and tendencies are we seeing more of since the industrial revolution came to be back in the early 1900's, and the development of convenience items/foods/etc, in the latter part of that century. We tend to see that stress, anger, pain, frustration (for the need for more convenience), fast driving...you get the idea; a world that is "GO! GO! GO!"
 We are creating a world in which we don't stop and take a breath. We don't stop to smell the roses. We just don't stop!
 Instead of peaceful, we are fighting!
 What's more, we are teaching our children to be the same way. Overworked and underpaid parents come home to only be too tired to spend quality time with the children who are just yearning for their Mom or Dad's attention! Children then become frustrated, upset, and angry not knowing how to handle it properly because they see their parents are feeling the same way and also most likely not dealing with it in a healthy way either. In a past blog I wrote about how a study was done to find out how much undivided attention North Americans give to their children. I'll refresh your memory...2 MINUTES per WEEK! It's a far cry from what it used to be only 100 years ago.
Children are now finding other ways to get their parents attention, by being aggressive, misbehaving or not doing as they should.  This then leads to cases of bullying at school.  How sad!
Imagine what the world will be like in 100 years. We might become an emotionally unattached species that cares not about what harm we are doing to others. Is that the kind of future you want for your grandchildren? Great-grandchildren? It's not my idea of a healthy society, that's for sure!
 "So what?" you say! "What could I possibly do?"
 Get a massage. Take time for yourself. Relax! Spread the word! 
"What can massage do for me?" you ask. "Isn't that just a spa treatment?"
 Not at all! Though massage does help to relax your mind and body, it can be incredibly beneficial to your immune, circulatory, nervous, digestive and integumentary (skin) systems. Therefore it is actually a MEDICAL treatment! So get the idea of massage being "just a treat only for those who are spoiled enough to do it for themselves" out of your head.
 People who do get it regularly know that massage therapy helps to improve wellbeing and prevent injury! It increases "feel good" endorphins that will help to calm your weary soul. It helps to decrease pain, headaches and muscle spasms. Massage also helps to decrease sympathetic nervous system (SNS) firing. If you understand your anatomy, you'll know that the SNS is responsible for the "fight or flight" response...which we all seem to be in a constant state of these days...and by the way was only meant to save our life, not destroy it.
If you're dealing with stress better and preventing your body from being in a state of pain, don't you think you would function better? Or better yet, have more of an ability to stop, take a breath and slow down? I would imagine those rushed parents who have massage at least once per month just might be more in tune with the fact that their children too are feeling stress and help them to deal with it better by spending more than 2 minutes a week of undivided attention on them.
In turn, teach your children about the wonderful benefits of massage. Introduce them to massage therapy early by contacting your local MT to find out if they also treat children. The earlier they realize their bodies are their vehicles and need a tune-up regularly, the more likely they are to continue this into their adulthood.    
Imagine a world in which people of all walks of life receive non-judgemental, educated, safe and comfortable healing touch. I believe that we just might become a kinder society due to the fact that stress would be reduced. I also believe we'd become a healthier society that is more in tune with our body's needs.
Take care of yourself, to change the world. In order for change to come about, it must first come from within. Be that raindrop that starts a wave of a healthy minded, peaceful society.

Carrie Creamer RMT is located in Orillia, ON and specializes in pregnancy, infant and child massage with extensive experience in MVA, work and sports related injuries. Carrie hopes to change the world, one massage at a time.

Spa Weekend

This weekend was a busy one! I spent most of the weekend pampering women during their little getaway from the big city! Many women enjoyed massage therapy treatments while others spoiled themselves a little more with spa treatments such as Heated Stone Massage, Cooling Leg Treatment (brrr, chilly! But on a weekend with beautiful hot weather, I'm sure it was so refresshing!), and a bit of energy work. Think of what a weekend like that can do for you and your friends! If you are a busy, working mother (or stay at home Mom for that matter...that's a full time job in itself!) and you & your friends are hoping to take some quality time for yourselves, I'd be more than happy to help arrange for the treatments to be brought to your home! The only thing you do is provide the quiet, safe and comfortable space for the therapist to do the spa treatments. If I can't come to you (ie. if distance is too far, the date does not work, other), I can help to find someone who will be able to do so. Check out my website at http://carriermt.wix.com/index and click on the contact button to be brought to my contact sheet. Fill that out with your questions, concerns, and ideas. I'd love to hear from you! Yours in good health, Carrie RMT

NEW WEBSITE!! Well, it's been a while since my last blog....SORRY! I have been super busy getting things moving with my new ideas. More to come on that in later posts. For now though, I'd like to introduce my new website! I'm hoping it's easy to use, answers your questions as to what I do and what kinds of things massage can help with. As well, I am going to be adding my newsletters to my website. I'll add a page specifically for that as well as for other documents that you may find helpful. So, now that I've talked about it, check it out and spread the word! http://carriermt.wix.com/index is the address. As well, I'd like to introduce my Twitter page. Find me @CarrieCreamerMT Hoping you are all keeping well and having a great spring! Summer is almost here! Cheers! Carrie Creamer RMT Located at Orillia Chiropractic (705) 327-7463